She’s Got The Look (Ok, not really.)

I’ve decided that I need to cultivate a “look” for myself.

I’ve never been terribly interested in clothes or fashion. My criteria for whether or not to purchase an article of clothing are as follows:

1. Does it fit comfortably, if not correctly?
2. Can I afford it?

That’s pretty much it. I’m not saying that I don’t have preferences or taste towards certain styles, because I do. There are patterns, fashions, styles that I both love and loathe. But shopping for clothes – properly shopping for clothes – requires a lot of work and is often such a soul-shattering experience for me, that rather than putting the thought and effort into finding clothes that both suit my tastes and suit my body, I just buy the first thing that do a reasonable job of disguising the parts of me that I find to be unsightly.

But the more I think about it, and the more I happen upon body-positive blogs written by beautiful and amazingly fashionable plus-size chicks (Skinny Emmie and Jes, The Militant Baker are my current blog-loves) I realize that I’m truly doing myself a disservice.

I’m a big girl – there’s no hiding that fact, no matter how many baggy shirts I wear. I always have been, and even if I lose weight (which I am working on) I will never be truly thin. I’m stocky and muscular, and I can’t change that. And to compensate for my large body, I’ve cultivated an even larger personality (it’s hard to be humble when you’re this awesome…), which stands in perfect opposition to my desire to hide my body. I WANT to be noticed. But just the inside. I’m afraid that if I dress well, I’ll be judged based on my size (which, given the growing prevalence of fat-shaming and fat-hate these days, isn’t an unfounded fear) rather than the content of my character. But the clothes I wear, if I really think about it, make it obvious that that’s what I’m afraid of. Baggy pants, loose fitting tops, no skirts or dresses to speak of…I’m so worried about being judged on my size but the clothes I wear make me look bigger and frumpy, and could conceivably give more ammo to those who seek to mock or shame. And I think it also does me a disservice from the standpoint of pushing away people who might otherwise be drawn to me. My personality says “C’mon, let’s hang out and have a laugh!” while my clothes and lack of style say “Stay away, I’m boring, introverted, and trying to hide”. And now I think about it, it’s amazing how much work I put into selecting clothes that do nothing for me, when with the same or maybe just a bit more work, I could be dressing so much better, looking so much better, and feeling so much better about myself.

So I need to start. I need to really start putting in the right effort, and start cultivating a style. Will I dress in vintage pin-up style and maybe even try red lipstick? Will I go for a more hipster-chic look with over-sized glasses and mismatched knitwear? Not a clue. I don’t even know where to start. But I will start, and I will look as awesome as I am. ;-)

May 10, 2013Permalink Leave a comment

Africa

I’ve never been there. But, in my late teens, I did dream (as I’m sure a lot of people my age did) of joining the Peace Corps and going. It’s become one of many dreams I’ve laid aside in order to pursue others. I don’t regret it, but sometimes when I hear this song, I do get a little melancholy.

March 13, 2013Permalink Leave a comment

Night In The City

So, it was 11pm in the Bronx. I settled on the couch next to an open, breezy window, and getting uppity watching Bill Maher (I consider myself pretty damn liberal, but his type of hard-lined liberal snobbery is enticingly cringe-worthy most nights). Anyway, he had John Legend on, who is always a great guest, but I couldn’t hear what he had to say, owing to a conversation going on outside my window, down in the street one floor below me.

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*sigh* Only in New York…

September 15, 2012Permalink Leave a comment

Cruel Summer

So, it’s summer, and I have to admit, this is my least favorite season, by a wide margin. I’d rather trudge to the train in 6 inches of driven slush, than walk there during the peak of a NYC heatwave. The way it just radiates off the pavement, bouncing off the brick walls and city streets, this city becomes an oven, and I don’t much care for it.

When this season of misery hits, and even the breeze does little more than move a new patch of hot air into the spaces where the old patches of hot air were, I am overtaken by a monstrously cranky she-beast. A foul, miserable creature, unmistakable with her frizzy hair, red face, whiny voice, and general cantankerousness. She is unpleasant, disagreeable, a vexation to all, and in need of sweet, soothing frostiness. It’s at times of such dire need, that I am wont to pull down my blender from its cabinet hiding place, and throw together the most potent heat-beating remedy I have in my arsenal, The Bushwacker.

The Bushwacker is a beverage I discovered (and fell immediately in love with) during a vacation in St. John, USVI. While the Islands are gorgeous, and it’s hard to be anything but happy while there, I will admit that the heat was a bit brutal. The Bushwacker came to be my respite from the heat, and kept me pleasantly grooving on that zen-like vibe. And because it is, as I said, summer, and those soaring temperatures are bound to harsh your chill as they do mine, I am sharing with you now, lovely reader, the recipe for this most epic of beverages. Please enjoy responsibly.

 

1. Fill a blender with ice.

Photograph of a Bushwacker
Photo courtesy of susannj of TravellersPoint.com

2. Add in equal parts of:

  • Vodka
  • Light Rum
  • Kahlua
  • Frangelico
  • Amaretto
  • Creme de Cacao
  • Bailey’s Irish Cream
  • Cream of Coconut
  • Light Cream or half & half

3. Blend until creamy and frothy.
4. Drizzle some chocolate syrup into the inside of a glass.
5. Pour creamy, frothy, yumminess from the blender into said glass.
6. Enjoy.
7. Repeat at regular intervals until total relaxation is achieved.

July 5, 2012Permalink 2 Comments