green noise

Today is April 26, and I’m already convinced that I will not survive the summer.

The weather as of late has been strange. And by “strange”, I mean “indicative of the pending apocolypse”. That’s the only reason I can think of that only a week ago, I was dressing in layers to combat 40 degree temperatures and sideways ice-rain and now I’m wearing my lightest clothes and hoping the people at the restaurant we’re headed to wouldn’t be too put out if I took my brunch in their walk-in freezer.

Seriously, the fact that it’s now 90 degrees in April scares the living daylights out of me. If it’s this hot now, what diabolical plan does Mother Nature have in store for us in, say, July?? I’m a fat girl and the mere mention of “unseasonably warm temperatures” makes the back of my knees sweat.

I know one of my last posts was all about how happy I was that spring had finally sprung, and the world and I were shedding off our winter coats in favor of a blanket of sunshine and blah, blah, blah. I know I sound like a total hypocrite, and I’m totally okay with that. But I’m addicted to cooler weather. Nothing, not even the promise of spring, will ever change that. Oh, Old Man Winter…I wish I knew how to quit you.

It’s a completely overstated sentiment, but I have to say that this is my favorite time of year. At present, there’s a winter storm moving into the New York area, poised to drop up to 6 inches of snow on my fair city. Walking to the subway this morning, each person was their own personal steampipe, as their warm breath met the frosty air, and children on the train fidgeted in their hats and coats and gloves. This is my element. Maybe I was a polar bear in a previous life.

Then you add in the element of the holidays, and go into overdrive. I get so excited around Christmas. I don’t recognize the “divinity” of the holiday (not only because I don’t consider myself a Christian, but also because Christ wasn’t born in the winter…but that’s a whole other blog!) but I get such a charge, an awesome rush, from Christmas shopping. To an extent, I could care less what I receive at the holidays, but shopping does something to me. I’m not your typical female who gets all googly eyed at the sight of retail paradise (unless it involves technology or shoes…I’m sorry, a girl has to have her vices) but when it comes to buying for other people, I revert to some uber-caverperson form of myself. I live for the thrill of the hunt.

I love online shopping – it’s the digital equivalent of hiding in the bushes, waiting for the prey and ambushing without warning. I feel like I have a distinct advantage this way, as opposed to actually going into a store and fighting the crowds. And there’s the added thrill of tracking the packages online and coming home to a mailbox stuffed full of goodies! And don’t even get me started on the joy I get out of giving just the right gift. Those smiles and giggles (and sometimes tears) are the culmination of everything I aim for at this time of year.

This year, about 85% of my shopping was done online. And for the first time I can recall, all of my shopping is done with time to spare. None of the rushing out on December 23 or 24th looking for “just that one more thing”. It’s a completely satisfying feeling. The hunter can retire comfortably by the electric glow of her MacBook Pro, kitty and loverboy curled up on the couch beside, and smile about a hunt gone good.

I love the holidays…